Loss.

Um, I don't do well with loss. Really, though, who does?

I'm terrified of it. Always have been. When I was younger, I would lay awake at night developing "escape plans" for if our house was ever on fire. I would mourn the loss of beloved items or people that I hadn't even lost. When my childhood dog, Clyde, was in his last few months of life, I would lay in bed and cry over his death that had yet to occur. And when he did pass away, I was a hot mess. I hate that feeling.

But it's life. I've matured a lot since those days, obviously, and I've grown in my faith, so much so, that I view death a little differently. But it's still terrifying in the sense that once someone or something is gone, it's so final.

I'm dealing with that horrible feeling of finality, right now. I lost one of my most favorite people today.

He's a fighter, but the Lord didn't want him to fight any longer. And while I'm down here bawling and carrying on, he's dancing with Jesus. And the cancer's gone and his sick body is healed. And he no longer has to fight because the battle's won.

And I cry for his family and even, myself. He was our biggest fan, our loudest cheerleader. He said we viewed this next part of our lives as "an adventure" and he loved that because he knew that serving the Lord and sharing His Gospel to the ends of the earth, is not something to be afraid of, it's an adventure. He understood. He encouraged us.

He was with us in spirit as we were appointed back in May, as he lay in the hospital bed fighting to recover from post-cancer surgery. Chandler was faithful to visit him almost every week in the hospital, and looked forward to sharing the appointment service video with him.

I stayed in contact via text message with his wife. I would ask how he's doing, ask how she's doing, and apologize for not coming to visit. I don't handle hospitals well. Or seeing the ones I love in such a condition. She understood. I wanted to preserve my memory of him; well, eating lunch with us before his surgery, talking about the future, and encouraging us. I didn't want to see him sick. I didn't want to face the reality that he might not make it.

But I did this morning. The Lord laid on my heart last week that I needed to suck it up and go see him. And I'm glad I did. I was able to go into his room and stand by his bed. I rubbed his arm and told him I love him and gave him a kiss on the forehead. He was comatose, but maybe he could hear me.

Regardless, I know in my heart that I won't regret not ever seeing him in the hospital. I won't regret seeing him that one last time before he passed.

He's in a much better place and he's fully healed, but he will be missed more than anything.

Two of my most favorite people ever, Jane and Larry (Lar).

One of my most favorite memories: Laughing with Lar about cake.
That was a seriously good laugh.

How Could I Forget??

I can't believe I have failed to record this incredibly encouraging information...

Chandler's a tweeter (well, re-tweeter if you ask his friends) and at times he re-tweets (see?) Eddie Cox, the IMB prayer director, who, for a while, tweeted prayer requests for different things concerning Madagascar. I can't remember the whole story, but Chandler re-tweeted a prayer request, and they tweeted back and forth? Like I said, I don't remember. Point is this: He told Chandler that they have been praying for a few years for a missionary unit to be sent to southern Madagascar.

Then, again, at appointment week, in a conversation with a "turn around" couple, they told us they have been praying for 3 years for a missionary unit to be sent to southern Madagascar.

If ever we need reassurance of our original callings to be missionaries or reassurance that Madagascar is where we need to go, it's there. We are so thankful to be used as the vessels through which the Lord answered prayers.

Week 3, Day 1

Another not so fun day, but, then again, there's not a whole heck of a lot that IS fun about running except the assurance that I'm doing something good for my health and that's what keeps me going.

Today was the Tim Hargis Race to Cure Cholangiocarcinoma, a 5K organized by the family of Tim to raise funds and awareness for this rare form of cancer. Tim is our 6th grade guys Life Group teacher; he taught Chandler over 10 years ago, and his wife, Ann, was Waverly's Mom's Day Out teacher this past fall and spring, so they have a special place in our hearts and the heart of our youth group.

A few months ago, I decided that the youth needed to get involved in this event in some way. So, we started promoting the race and offered our students the opportunity to purchase TEAM TIM shirts that we would tie-dye. Almost 60 students and adults signed up for the shirts and last week we had a tie-dye event. It was a blast and 100% of the money we raised went toward the Cholagiocarcinoma Foundation. Today, we all wore our shirts and walked (or ran) for the cure!

I set out with every intention of walking the entire 3 miles, while Chandler wanted to run at least a mile. Which he did, then circled back and met up with Wave and I. The temperature climbed fairly steadily over those couple of hours and I suggested that we go ahead and get our training out of the way for the day, knowing full well we wouldn't be running later with the temperature rising in the mid-80s.

We did. And it kicked my butt... again. Of course, the butt kicking came as no surprise. I'm pretty used to it by now. What does come as a surprise is the change up in the middle of our routine. I expect a 1.5 minute run, but I start dying, thinking it's the longest minute and a half of my life, until I look at the app and it was a 2.5 minute run. Quite honestly, I'd rather not know what the training will look like for each day because someone like me, who hates working out, just counts down that time and what is more miserable than constantly looking at the clock? Anyway, doesn't it move slower when you do that?

The last 2.5 minute run caught me with a huge cramp in my ribs; I couldn't even move my shoulder to move my arm. I really need to drink more water before I run. So, we deviated from the plan for the day and just walked until the pain subsided, then jogged across the finish line.

We did it. And it wasn't easy. But we did it.

A Milestone.

Today, it should be known, marks the first time Waverly saw a movie in the movie theater. She LOVES the Madagascar movies; fitting since that's where she'll grow up. Anyway, Madagascar 3 came out in theaters today and we decided that she was ready to go to the theater. I'll tell you what, she LOVED it. For a kid who never sits still, she sat through the entire movie and previews. It was a very enjoyable experience for us. Will we do it again anytime soon? Now.. We don't count our chickens before they hatch.

Week 2, Day 3

Couch to 5k, you are tricky!

Today we ran out of necessity, not really because we wanted to; although, I'm finding there is always a part of me that is ready to run even if there is a bigger part of me that dreads it.

They changed things up on us a bit today, though: Our 5 minute "cool down" was a 5 minute run. I thought I was going to die. I get stitches in my side from time to time, but tonight I had TWO at the same time!

So we wound our way around a couple of streets near our house until our 5 minute "cool down", then ran home. At almost the exact time that I said, "I'm done" the bell rang. After running/walking alternately for 26 minutes, I actually ran 5 minutes straight.

Pat on the back.

Couch to 5K

Well, I'm doing it. I've succumbed to the peer pressure of fellow runners. It just seems like the thing to do, but I won't follow them off a bridge, for the record.

Truly, though, I hate working out, but it is a necessary evil and I will only hate my life if I don't do it. For years I've jumped from workout to workout. I've done everything from yoga to pilates to 30-day shred to working out with a trainer and working out using the Wii. I stick with it for a couple of months, then just get bored.

So, we're on to something new. Chandler enjoys running and works out on a pretty regular basis, so I have a running partner and accountability partner and a couple of weeks ago, we started the Couch to 5k!

Week 1 (1R, 1.5W) was pretty good! Day 1 felt good, then Day 2 was rough, and Day 3 was easier. We took a week off because of appointment week, wedding, and a student event, but we're back at it!

Week 2 (1.5R, 1.5W) is going well so far... wellll, Day 1 was good. I felt ready to take the next baby step and was excited to keep going. But Day 2 (today), pretty much sucked. It was a bit chillier this evening and I felt like I couldn't get a deep enough breath. Hopefully, Day 3 will be easier...

I hope that by chronicling this journey, a few things will occur: 1. I will look back on these first weeks and laugh at myself for thinking these routines are difficult, 2. I will be motivated on the bad days to keep going, 3. I will have accountability to the 5 people that read this blog.