Currently, I'm having a mini-meltdown. This is when my heart gains about twenty pounds in my chest, it gets a little harder to breathe, and I have to quickly redirect my thoughts to avoid a major meltdown.
With our Malawi trip just seven weeks away, I think more and more about having to leave Waverly behind. I don't want to sound ungrateful for this opportunity or resentful in my obedience to what the Lord has called us to do. I am ecstatic about the trip itself, but I AM NOT ecstatic about being thousands of miles away from my little girl for 11 days.
I try not to talk about it a whole lot. Mainly because I don't want to be sad, but also because I don't want to give the wrong perception. It is an every day, conscious effort to allow God's peace to settle on my heart about leaving Waverly, but I truly am excited to see what He is going to do. I absolutely love to travel and cannot wait to spend time in Africa. The Lord is bringing everything together in His perfect timing and we are blessed to have faithful friends and family who want to support missions.
All that being said, I just want to spill it all right now. I am not worried for a second that Waverly will not be taken care of; she will be spending the week and half with her grandparents who have all said that you don't know love until you have a grandchild. What's there to worry about? What really gets me is not being there for her when she's upset and not seeing her every single day and putting her to bed every night. It sounds silly when I write it down, but other mom's will understand.
I ask that you pray for me, personally. I don't want to lose my focus with this trip. I'm going to miss her more than she will miss me, most likely, and I need to have peace in that. Weird, huh, that I would find peace in the fact that she won't miss me? That's good for me though.. to know that she's having fun and being loved on by our parents who love her more than anything.
This is going to be good. I feel a little better... for now. I will admit that I cried a little while writing this, but I'm encouraged by the above paragraph.
God is good.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7
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