I am an emotional melting pot. I am, for sure, 100% excited about this trip. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to visit Africa and now here I am, four days away! I am also 70% anxious and 30% stressed, but I refuse to let myself be sad. I have to stay focused.
Unfortunately, after the sun rises, it has to set and when I'm laying in bed, I tend to do my "best" thinking. I haven't always been that way, it just kind of creeped in over time. I've also become a talker and problem solver. My days are so filled... with the baby, chores, errands, television, doing what I want to do, and night time is the only time I can hear myself think. So I do. About a lot of things. Lately, about Africa. I make mental lists and bounce ideas off Chandler. Then, when I'm really still and Chandler seems to be asleep, I think about leaving: how I want to soak up every single second with Waverly and memorize everything about her (dramatic? yes, but eleven days is a long time to be away from the one I've seen every day for a whole year, the one I do everything for and with, so I'm allowing myself to be a little dramatic), and how it will be saying goodbye at the airport. I have to emotionally prepare myself. I have to go through the motions. Somehow it makes things easier.
Satan's been working though. I've seen it. We've experienced it. He's gotten me where it hurts: my relationship with Christ and my relationship with my husband. No doubt he'll sneak in when it comes to Waverly.
So I'll stay busy. The whole house has to be cleaned, we have to finish preparing our material for the high schoolers next week, Chandler and I have to get packed, we have to pack Waverly, and send Fenway off to a friend's on Thursday. There is too, too much to do to sit around and be sad. I just have to do.
Lots of lists; I'm sure my house will get messier before it gets clean. I am woman. I can do it. :)
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